She Is So Old

funny stories grave

Copyright- Alastair Forbes

“Ann, Ann, did your great aunt die last night!” Frank shouted to his wife.

“No, at least I don’t think so. Why, did you hear something? Oh, I better call someone,” she replied in a troubled voice.

Frank was sitting down at the computer again, practically drooling on himself. He did not notice Ann looking for her phone. She was nearly in tears at this point. Ann had spent a lot of time with her great aunt when she was little. Aunt Clair was almost ninety now but the thought of anyone dyeing upset Ann.

“Where is my phone?” she screamed, hysterical now.

“What are you freaking out about?” Frank asked.

“You’re the one talking about my aunt dying, what do you think.”

“Wait, did she dye?” Frank asked

“I don’t know, I can’t find my phone. Why did you ask me if she died?”

“Because we are in her will. Look, I just read the headlines, Richard Branson finally did it, we can go to outer space. All we need is $200,000 each, we will get at least that when that ol bag finally cr…”

“I hate you! You are such an ass!”

 

The story above represents my entry into Alastair’s Sunday Photo Fiction.

If you enjoyed this story check out my other funny stories.

The Blood of Remorse

 

short-fiction-shame

copyright-Kent Bonham

A disturbing murder case was weighing heavily on Jim Delaney’s mind as he walked up his sidewalk.  A sound came from the storage shed. Jim unholstered his pistol, not willing to take any chances after a day like today. He saw movement and instincts took over.

Jim unmasked the bloody body and nearly threw up. Stumbling into the house, he opened a bottle of whiskey. As he drank, he spotted a note:

APRIL FOOLS,
I finally got you! Meet me at Finnegan’s and we’ll get drunk.

Jim’s pistol fired one last shot, leaving the wall stained with the blood of remorse.

 

* * * * * * * * *

The above story is my submission to Friday Fictioneers. For those of you that don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a group of bloggers from around the world who respond to a photo prompt of Rochelle Wisoff-Fields choosing with a story of approximately 100 words. Find more fictioneers here.

Born of The Internet

Funny Stories-Forest

Copyright-John Nixon

“Now youngins,” Bryar exclaimed, catching his breath. The kids were still pulling vines and thorns from their clothes and skin after running through a swamp that seemed to be alive with hate. “That was the scariest thing I ever saw, kids, I…” Bryar couldn’t find the right words.

“Mr. Bryar,” Kevin asked, Kevin was the troop know-it-all. “What was that? Was that the ghost of Lucius Clay? Was he in a bathtub?”

funny-stories-bathtube

Click this photo and it will take you to The Leek, where I found this gem and where I laughed till I cried.

“No! Bite your tongue boy. Lucius Clay was a legend, a swamp man like me. No kids, that monster could have only been born of the Internet.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear The Internet,

I sat down at my computer with the intention of setting up ABC mouse so my daughter could learn from you. Three hours later I found myself staring at a furry man in a bath tube, with obnoxiously large sunglasses, who appeared to have no intention of using the tub in a reasonable fashion. I still don’t know how I got there and I completely lost three hours… YOU WIN.

Ladies and Gentlemen this story is my entry into Friday Fictioneer. For those of you who don’t know, Friday Fictioneers is a wonderful blog ran by Rochelle Wisoff-fields who provides a photo prompt each week. Check it out,  there are some truly great stories from writers all over the world.

Where’s the Pearly Gate

Funny Stories Staircase

Copyright -Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

“Isn’t it supposed to be a pearly gate?” Max asked as they approached the door.

“Oh, now you know everything about this journey.” his guardian angel replied; he had become annoyed with Max’s attitude. “Just open the door.”

“Okay,” Max replied, tugging at the door. “Lucifer,” Max yelled with dismay, “But, But…”

“Gabr-, Gab-,” the guardian angel was laughing so hard he couldn’t get the words out. “Gabriel,” he said as the devilish figure tuned into an angel. “Did you see the look on his face?”

“So, I’m not going to hell?”

“Who knows, we still have to get you to judgment.“

This story is my entry into Friday Ficitoneers.

If you got a laugh out of this make sure you share it on Facebook and Twitter below. Also, I have a lot of funny stories on this site and you can check them out here

Bridge to Infinity

short fiction bridge

Copyright – Adam Ickes

A year ago, twenty-five four year olds started Maestro’s guitar program, now six are alive. Kim Lu pinned a G# instead of a G as she played through the new piece Maestro had given them. Maestro’s right hand was heavier this time. Unconscious, Kim experienced a love that has been absent since her mother was executed. She saw a bridge that appeared to go to infinity. Excitement came over her as she started to move across, feeling free. Terror took control when reality began to tug her back.  She awoke with tears in her eyes and Maestro’s voice ordering one-week starvation.  

This story represents my entry into Friday Fictioneers. Thanks for reading!

Forsaken

funny stories

Copyright – Alastair

I’ve always had a wild side, you know, live fast and die hard. I have spent years burying it, deeper and deeper until it was finally gone, so I thought. After years of suppression, we moved out of the city, it was a long commute but it was nice to feel as if we were getting away.

One day the guys at work got on a Kevin Costner kick, I know right. How does that guy keep getting work? On my way home, I was running that question threw my head when my inner speed demon got loose and took control of the throttle. I watched the speedometer blow by 100 and a calm buzz took over. Then… bam, right into this tree.

My soul has been stuck here ever since. I spend my days longing to see my family again, my life and mistakes playing back over and over. I wish someone, anyone, would smash their car and join me by this forsaken stream. I don’t feel like I can take this hell alone.

* * *

That car is flying, yes, yes… boom, crash… YES.

“What happened? Am I dead?”

“NO, NO.”

“Hello, are we dead?”

“Kevin Costner… Why, what have I done to deserve this!?”

 

I hope you enjoyed this story, it is my entry in to this week’s Sunday Photo Fiction Challenge. Click the link look at other entries.

Trip to the Hills

funny stories pregnant

Copyright – Danny Bowman

A trip to the hills left him with a rash that seemed to be climbing his leg. Terrified it would continue he turned to the most reliable medical advice in the world. After thorough examination, he was nervous. Symptoms were adding up and he was afraid of what was coming.

The sound of frantic typing filled the room, then he stared, mouth open, in disbelief.

“Cyndi, wake up! I have all the symptoms.”

“What Larry, what do you have this time?”

“I’m pregnant, it says so on the Internet!”

“Right… I hope it’s a boy this time. Go to sleep.”

* * *

The above story represents my entry into this weeks Friday Fictioneers. I hope you all enjoy!

If this made you laugh, try more of my funny stories!